I am very unmotivated to go to work this morning. Really, I have lacked this motivation for a few months now. When I was in public service, I went into work feeling like I made a difference. Now, I have to listen to people drone on about how much their life has changed since they slipped in that puddle of water in the parking lot. I find that I just don’t care and am constantly questioning if I even want to be a lawyer anymore.
If you know any lawyer, this will sound very familiar to you. Lawyers have a tendency to complain about being lawyers, but few actually ever leave the profession to try something totally different. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely ungrateful for my current career, but I do find myself thinking about the what if. What if I didn’t go to law school? Would I have regretted it? Or would I be doing something every day that I found fulfilling?
A part of me is happy to at least have a job so that I can afford a nice home and make my student loan payments. But is that sentiment right? Should we be happy to settle for something other than what we want just so that we can collect a pay check?
I think a part of the reason we settle is because we’re afraid to go against everything we have been taught. An idea I only recently came to terms with. We have been promised the American Dream since we were old enough to understand what that meant. Work hard, get an education, and you will be happy. But that’s simply not true. Happiness is something we constantly have to work for, not something that is the end of an equation. And while we’re fighting for our happiness, time passes by and it becomes harder and harder to just up and quit to follow that foolish dream we all have.
With that being said, I’m going to get my shoes on, fight the traffic and go into the office. Dreaming of the day where I get to quit and do what I really want – whatever that is.